My Family Is From Alabama

I know, I cannot believe it either.

One of my tackier interests is genealogy. Genealogy, if you haven’t heard, is the ability to delude yourself into thinking that, even though you hate all your living relatives, your dead relatives were fascinating. Every three or four years, I sink into a genealogy K-hole, emerging two weeks later covered in dust and full of boring facts. Last month was one of those times.

Unfortunately, I’ve gotten a little too good at research: and now I know that my great-grandfather was born in Alabama! Ask me where his father was born. Alabama. I can go on. Ask me where his father was born. Alabama. How about his mothAlabama.


I don’t know if you know me, but if you don’t, I am from the North. Not even the wussy North (e.g., Philadelphia is not the North). I am a New England Yankee. I eat pie with every meal, vote for George McGovern, officiate at gay weddings, listen unironically to Jonathan Richman and the Standells, say “wicked” and drop my r’s (when I’m in the mood), drive on Route 128 like a psychopath, go to town meetings, reinforce the existing class structure, curse, and take salvia at Dispatch concerts. I would’ve gone to Harvard except I was too stupid. Most of my ancestors were drunken Irishmen, and I am fine with this.


Let me tell you, I’ve never even been to Alabama. I haven’t set foot in South Carolina. When my plane touches down in Florida, I head straight for the deli and don’t speak to anybody until I leave. One time I went to Texas, but I threw up for 24 straight hours afterward. (True!)

What am I going to do? Well:

  1. I am going to drive to Alabama, to my ancestral home.
    (photo by jimmywayne22, cc-by-nc-nd license)

    That’s an actual photo, from the actual town where my actual family is actually from.

  2. I am going to spend 18 minutes talking to people, then get pissed off and sweaty.
  3. I’m going to play that Bob Dylan song that has the line “I’m going back to New York City, I do believe I had enough” with the windows down.

Then it will be over. Holy fuck, Alabama. I voted for John Kerry, goddammit!



Filed under Zach

9 responses to “My Family Is From Alabama

  1. poser65

    What town is it? That kinda looks like it’s around Montgomery.

    I love Alabama (my home), but we are a bunch of rednecks… just figured I should warn ya.

  2. Pingback: Alabama tourism and travel | Daily Dixie

  3. Zach

    Unincorporated Perry County, even more exciting than Montgomery.

  4. Dan

    Oh wow. That’ll be an Alabama vacation for sure. I’m living down the highway in Tuscaloosa (and I thought I was in the middle of nowhere) until next week.

    I highly suggest you go to Marion and check out the Harry the Slave Monument. That’s about the only interesting thing I can think of in Perry County.

  5. bamalaw

    look into the auburn university rural studio. they are located in hale county but i believe they have done projects in perry county as well. they make homes and community centers for people who would not necessarily have a home otherwise. they use weird stuff like old car windshields, old tires, and bundled cardboard… seriously

  6. bamalaw

    and by the way…. at least you will be going to an area of the state that overwhelmingly voted for kerry.

  7. Zach

    Weird coincidence! I actually just bought the rural studio book two days ago — unrelated to this project! So thanks for the tip.

  8. bamalaw

    lol… small world…i happen to be a small speck in one of the pictures in that book

  9. Pingback: How I Am Going To Ruin Every Fucking Party I Ever Go To In Brooklyn, Ever Again « The Monitor Street Smackdown

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s