Animorphs: More Realistic than Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl really gets to me lately. Not only because I’ll never have stuff as nice as the 15 year old characters on the show, but also because the portrayals and plotlines in GG aren’t even CLOSE to possible. In my book, Gossip Girl is the exact same as Jurassic Park.

“Hey dinosaurs are alive again and we can ride on them and study their poop and stuff and if they attack us we can trick them by hiding in cabinets. It all happened because of fossils!”

“Hey this high school junior dressed head to toe in Anna Sui is being blackmailed by her mysteriously perma-vacationing 16-year-old friend for the time they accidentally killed someone during an orgy last year! Ohhh sophomore year memories!”


I wouldn’t even take the time to write about it, but I watch the show and I sometimes forget that these characters are not supposed to be 28 (although even that is a stretch because I’m only 23 and most weeknights for me involve blowing off a party with lies about a funner party, and then going home, laying down, wearing workout clothes in an act of wild optimism, Tivo, Activia, and going to bed at 9:45 in said workout clothes….).

These characters seem older than me….but why are they in school uniforms? why are they studying for the SAT? They drink more than me, go out more than me, stay out later than me, are definitely taller than me, and have less well-meaning familial interference going on in their lives….so why is one of them grounded? OH RIGHT BECAUSE IT’S SCIENCE FICTION.

The scientific method can prove it!

Figure 1 is a picture of my own high school junior sister (age 16), compared side by side to Blair Waldorf (age 16).



(above: fig. 1)

Figure 2 is a picture of another unrealistic, sci fi high school show compared side by side to Gossip Girl. Note the consistently unrealistic leg length, and the leg to skirt ratio.



Gossip Girl would improve by being animated, so that when Jenny ticks off Blair, steam would come out of Blair’s ears and her eyes and mouth would get really small, and little blue sweat drops would hover at Jenny’s temples. THEN I would be willing to swallow my incredulity when the characters invest in burlesque clubs or decide to finish a semester across the world on a whim, due to social scandal.


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Filed under general complaints, Honor!, ladies, manhattan

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